Goals and Craptivity

I’m learning to draw.

It’s hard, I’m not very good at it, it is taking a ton of effort.

I have a goal of trying to do 30 minutes per day to hit that as an achievement.  What I draw in the space of that 30 minutes is totally up to me.  But when you are not very good at something and you are literally starting at Ground Zero – it can take a significant amount of motivation to put youself into the chair and do it.  I’ve purchased some books and watch a lot of web tutorials – lots of sighing.

When I sit down to crack open my sketchpad I immediately feel this weight start to descend onto my shoulders and the claws start to burrow themselves in – with each awkward drawing I curse at my Craptivity.

What is Craptivity?  It’s the intersection between you desperately wanting to do good work, but your output is not what you feel it needs to be, all the while you feeling captive or slave to the process.  Typically Craptivity rears it’s ugly head when you are trying to do something new, trying to push the envelope and not breaking through – commonly associated with goal setting.

What I have recently started to notice is after only a few short months (where really my time to date could be encapsulated in a month due to some vacation and missed goals), I’m starting to see the serenity in it and the improvements (albeit small ones) that I have made.  I like having eraser shavings all over my desk, intermingled with my keyboard, I like having to sharpen the pencil each time I start.

I’m not there yet, not even close, but I’m breaking through the Craptivity and seeing something else and making the next jump to where I want to go.

Remember this the next time you have to get back into an old language you haven’t coded on  in a while or have to learn a new framework – accept right off the bat it is going to be hard, frustrating, punishing and in essence, you are surrendering yourself to the Craptivity.  But know if you keep pushing, it’s not going to last forever.

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